til death do us part

I am a young woman of 20 years old.

Yes, I do have my picture perfect wedding folded neatly and put away deep inside my heart.

But first, I want to know what, or who, I'm giving before I say "I do".

I am complicated, selfish and eager to make the name Trinity Cobb a legacy before I replace it.

Such dreams and expectations come at a great cost, so what am I willing to sacrifice?

There is something about your smile. Something about the way you say my name that makes my toes curl and my heart swirl. I would sacrifice my self ambition to be the one that you dream about. I would lay aside my fight for your fingers to intertwine with mine.

Call me what you will, crazy or insane, I know what love feels like. I remember its taste on my lips on that misty night in July. I have felt the burn of success and I have embraced the sting of determination; yet nothing seems to compare to the melody of our conversations.

The truth is, I don't know who I am without you. Though you may not be near, for a week or a year, I've found strength in your distance. Strength to love without loss, to grow without water, fight without fear. Strength to endure the many hours that may pass til I hear your voice, how little of time it may be.

So I'll be right here baby, waiting ever so patiently.

Building the integrity of my own name until it comes time to change.

I will always love you

Its day 62 of deployment and the days & nites are starting to last even longer. I miss the simple things; like the way you held my hand, the way you'd come up behind me and wrap your arms around me, the times you'd randomly show up at my work after you just got off, the random 1am waffle house dances & your 5pm shadow scuffling my face when you kiss me. I miss everything about you.

I was at the post office sending off package #2 and another woman was sending her husband a package as well. We started talking about what service they were in, where they were at, how long they were gone, when they'd hopefully be back, what they asked us to send, etc. All the sudden it felt like family, now I had just meet this woman 5 minutes ago and there was already a bond. I knew exactly how she felt when she laid down at nite saying her prayer with the line "please keep him safe" and how that ache in your heart feels when you pick up his shirt and the smell of his cologne still lingers. As selfish as it may be, I like knowing that someone else feels my pain. Now don't get me wrong, I am as proud as an army-wife-to-be could be and love talking to retired military and other army wives and bragging about my hero. Its just nice to know I'm not alone and I think a lot of other military spouses feel the same way.

I think my favorite part of being an army wife|to-be| (other than the benefits ;] ) is when people find out that my fiancé is in the military and say "oh, I could never do that", I know that Kevin and I have that special kind of love that will last. No, not everyone can handle 6 - 18 month deployments and still be just as in love or even more in love that when they left, or the days of not talking to them and only receiving letters/emails, or not knowing or understanding the full length of their job description, or the value their life is to this country. Its a job itself, but I know that deep down if you can handle that, you can handle anything that life throws at the two of you. That seems to make it worth it in the end(:

Dear Soldier

We said hello and exchanged hearts

then some eleven months later we had to say good-bye

no more day to day visits or goodnite kisses
just letters that started dear soldier and ended forever yours

You've had my heart from that first dance,

we've started a fairytale romance.
this distance has made me believe in you and me.

my hero, my love, my best friend thats what you'll always be to me

The months passed like years and finally

that day in June came along.

My heart skipped so many beats and I tried to hold back the tears.

But they boy that I loved had turned to a man standing in front of me with an army uniform and a great big smile.

mmhm that hug was worth while.

You've had my heart from that first dance,

we've started a fairlytale romance.

this distance has made me believe in you and me.

my hero, my love, my best friend thats what you'll always be to me.

I'll never forget that special nite,

we laid under the stars so bright.

You had that special smile you have just for me and

you got down on one knee and said those four special words

that made my heart sing.

"will you marry me" and I said

You've had my heart from that first dance,

we've started a fairytale romance.

this distance has made me believe in you and me.

my hero, my love, my best friend thats what you'll always be to me.

Now, I don't know what the future holds.

How many trips you'll have to be away from me.

But I'll be waiting for that man in a patchy green uniform day after day.

Who stole my heart with those swift words and big grin

and remember to sign every letter to dear soldier and end forever yours.

Sincerely Yours

I've noticed the nites have gotten longer,
the smiles have gotten few,
your cold heart seems to be growing stronger,
although I still seem to love only you.

With every thought that shifts in my head,
anytime that I think you've been untrue,
I sift thru the twenty-three love letters
I've read again and again from you.

The countless times I've tried,
and I know that you've tried too,
to mend this selfish pride,
and start this love, this friendship anew.

Until the sun arises,
and we settle this heartless war,
until love and pride compromises,
I'll remain sincerely yours.

the reason for loving you.

When people come into contact with me they notice the obvious appearance of a blonde hair, blue eyed girl, a fair complexion with a great big smile. Then when they look further they come across the undeniable large ring I have on my left hand and ask the common questions of "whens the big day?" or "what does your fiancee do?" or "how did he do it?". But out of all the questions that I get asked, my favorite is "Your so young, why do you want to rush getting married?". After pausing so many times and trying to make this person standing in front of me understand, I simply say, "You just have to meet him."
What is love but an expression expressed through actions?
Does he give me everything I want, no. But he gives me everything I need: a loving embrace when I cry, a comic joke when I need a good laugh and two ears that listen to every possible complaint I have after a hard day at work. He opens doors for me, buys me flowers randomly and has them delivered to work on the exact days that I need them, has hands that fit the spaces in between my fingers perfectly, and kisses that make my heart melt.
He has a hankie for every tear that I shed, has a special smile for every different kind of joy he feels, has a glimmer in his eye that he shares only with me. He has the right words at the right time, the sense enough to let me win even though I completely wrong, and a theme song everyday that he sings for me.
He's the only one that I want to fall asleep with at nite, and the first person I want to greet in the morning. Why would I want to "live life" when the person that make my life worth while isn't there to share it with me?
Simply said, "You just have to meet him" and as cliche as it sounds he's the reason for that big smile on my face. :)

Dear Hero

Today marks exactly one year and one month of the best days of my life.
You've lit up my world and uncovered mysteries to my unseen eyes.
These past few month have been anything but easy, I've cried myself to sleep many a nites along with analyzing if the wait was ever going to end. Now, I have been engaged to the most amazing man for 52 days.
I don't know how to explain how you make me feel, I can feel those butterflies fluttering in my stomach with each and every thought of you. Your always on my mind, every second of every day.
Simply put, two is better than one and you're my second half.
I love you more than the amount of stars up above, more than fireflies lingering by, more than the number of times the sun rises into the sky.

smile tho your heart is aching

I'm speechless, no words can explain that feeling that I get when I hear your voice, the vision of your smile or the sweet sweet smell of you. My heart flutters and my knees become weak, you've captivated my attention with those whimsical features you possess.
I never in a million years thought that I would date a soldier, much less marry one. Now? I wouldn't trade it for a thing in the world. He's a blessing beyond any prayer that I've ever prayed before, he's my hero, saving me from myself while he saves others selflessly. That good ole patchy uniform turned the boy that I fancied into the man that I love.
Now only eight more days till I can taste his sweet lips and feel the warmth of his embrace.